31: Older, Better, Faster, Stronger

Older

I have survived another year on Planet Earth. There haven’t been any huge revelations. Sure, a new job, some new habits, and I finally passed my driving test, but progress has been incremental. All those gains will compound. I find myself thinking far more in terms of years and decades than I did in my 20s. The world around me seems to whizz by at such a speed, but I am comfortable slowing down. The only person who decides my pace is me.

Writing has been an invaluable tool over the last year. I took The Artist’s Way towards the end of 2023 and, while I am not writing morning pages or taking artist dates on any fixed schedule, I do feel like it has left a permanent impression. Some parts were uncomfortable, but I don’t think we ever make significant progress without a bit of discomfort. Writing has helped me explore parts of my brain that have been ignored for too long.

Better

The balance across areas of my life is the healthiest it has been in a long time. Possibly ever. I’ve learned to avoid the false dichotomy of “work” and “life”. Culture, creative expression, learning, relationships, sleep, exercise, diet and work all fit into the puzzle. Each area deserves its moment. When you push harder in one area, you need to ease up on something else, or you’ll find yourself spiralling towards burnout. Knowing that is one thing. Living it every day is another.

Oliver Burkeman’s books The Antidote and Four Thousand Weeks have suggested some great tools for fighting FOMO and accepting that I will never get to Done. I highly recommend them to anyone.

Faster

As it stands, around 2 minutes faster. In May I completed Hackney Half Marathon 1:42, knocking about 2 minutes off my previous best at Oxford last year. With training well underway for this year’s Oxford Half, I feel like I could still chip away at that time. 1:40 is within my sights. It might happen, it might not.

My main running goal for the year was to post a 10k time below 45 minutes. Well, I smashed that with 44:04 in February. Everything since then is a bonus. I doubt I’ll hit a 20-minute parkrun, but I’m getting around the 21 minute mark fairly frequently, and it’s not unusual to get a fastest km below 4:00, something I wasn’t sure I would ever do.

At the end of the day, the numbers don’t really matter. The most important change over the last year was joining RunTribe, a new social running club here in Oxford. It’s been a delight heading out with the group most Tuesdays. Everyone is tremendously supportive of each other, with a healthy dose of competition. There’s also discussions kicking off about getting a group together to run a full marathon next year. I’m excited for a new challenge. Bring it on!

Stronger

Physically, I feel great. Mentally, I feel great. The two are undeniably linked. I’ve been very disciplined in terms of prioritising sleep and exercise. My diet could be better, but it could definitely be worse.

I’ve stayed sober for over 18 months, and what a difference that has made. I no longer worry that “sobriety” is interchangeable with “dullness”. Being lucid has allowed me to take in more of the world around me, to fully engage with the people around me. Friends have picked up on the positive energy I’m sharing with the world. Just this week I went to a film club for the first time. Being around new people without a beer in my hand still scares the crap out of me, but I’m able to step back and recognise that fear is not something to be avoided at all costs.

There is still work to do in terms of strengthening personal relationships. My closest friendships need more work too. This evening I’ll be headed to the pub with the boys, which is a rare treat these days. Let’s make the most of it. My love life is a barren wasteland. The fix is obvious: put yourself out there; take a chance. And yet…

Looking back over the last year, I’m so pleased with how it’s gone. I feel optimistic about the future. Even with all the shit in the world, I believe I could be in an even better place this time next year. For the next year, if I can do one thing each day that scares me, do one thing that teaches me a lesson, and do one thing I engage my full self into, then I will be a better person for it.